Reminiscing

Things like this, they melt my heart but they hurt so badly at the same time. 

You're probably wondering why they hurt. They hurt because they never last. We all try so hard in the beginning, and then it just slowly dies out. I think relationships would go a lot further if we didn't stop doing the things we did when we are first persuing someone.

We've been together 1 and 1/2 years, and there is nothing in the world that would make me happier than seeing a message like this on my phone again. 

I'm not trying to rag on him or anything, because I'm sure I've changed too. 

I just want it back. If that's even possible.

If there's some secret out there, someone let me in on it. 

It's not that I think he loves me any less because I don't see these things anymore, but the reassurance is always welcome. 

Plus, who doesn't want to feel those butterflies like we do in the beginning? 

Objects.

The world is disgusting.

I could go on for ages about this topic and never get a majority of people to see eye to eye with me. Especially men.

I don't agree with anyone being objectified, but why does it happen to women so much?

Playboy mags, bikini baristas, strip clubs, and breasts in damn near every movie we see. 

I want to blame it on men being pigs, but it's society as a whole.

Not only is it disrespectful, but what kind of example are we setting? Ladies now days think we need to have giant breasts, be a size 0 and look basically flawless to be desire able. It's pitiful. 

I'm not a feminist by any means, I'd just like to see women get an ounce of respect and stop being objectified so much. We shouldn't feel so pressured to look a certain way. 

And why doesn't it go both ways?  I'm not saying I agree with it regardless of who you are, but does this garbage happen to men? Are we seeing dicks all over in our TV programs and ripped, shirtless men serving our lattes? No. 

I want to know other peoples take on this. I know it can be a sensitive subject, but I want to know what you've all got to say about it. 

Because he deserves more;

Nearly every day he asks me the same question, "What's wrong?"
and nearly every day, I give the same response, "Nothing."
Then I ask myself the same questions over and over, "If nothings wrong, then why do I feel like shit?", "Why don't you just tell him what you're really thinking?"

I don't know why I put myself through this. I don't know what it is that's so scary about just opening my mouth and telling someone the truth about what I'm thinking or feeling.
I don't know why I feel like I need to hide from the world.
I think I have some preconceived notion that my feelings don't matter, or that the things I feel aren't "normal."
I don't know if it's a fear of judged, or a fear of being abandoned.

I've struggled with it for most of my life, the thought that people just leave.
I guess I'm terrified that one day I'm going to say the wrong thing, or feel the wrong way and it's going to cause someone to just walk out of my life.
I shouldn't care so much about that, because in all actuality if they're that willing to get up and leave, they probably shouldn't have been a part of my life anyway.
The thought of losing someone I love is the single most terrifying thing in this world to me.
I've said it before, when I'm old if my life partner dies before me, I don't think I'd be able to live anymore.
A life without love is not a life worth living in my books.
I love Mike from the deepest parts of my soul. I want so badly to be able to open myself up to him, but every time I try, I freeze. The words literally will not leave my mouth.
I know it's frustrating for him, because he can see it in my eyes that I'm unhappy about something, and it pains me knowing that I put him through this.
If I can't do this for me, I guess I at least owe it to him.