Because he deserves more;

Nearly every day he asks me the same question, "What's wrong?"
and nearly every day, I give the same response, "Nothing."
Then I ask myself the same questions over and over, "If nothings wrong, then why do I feel like shit?", "Why don't you just tell him what you're really thinking?"

I don't know why I put myself through this. I don't know what it is that's so scary about just opening my mouth and telling someone the truth about what I'm thinking or feeling.
I don't know why I feel like I need to hide from the world.
I think I have some preconceived notion that my feelings don't matter, or that the things I feel aren't "normal."
I don't know if it's a fear of judged, or a fear of being abandoned.

I've struggled with it for most of my life, the thought that people just leave.
I guess I'm terrified that one day I'm going to say the wrong thing, or feel the wrong way and it's going to cause someone to just walk out of my life.
I shouldn't care so much about that, because in all actuality if they're that willing to get up and leave, they probably shouldn't have been a part of my life anyway.
The thought of losing someone I love is the single most terrifying thing in this world to me.
I've said it before, when I'm old if my life partner dies before me, I don't think I'd be able to live anymore.
A life without love is not a life worth living in my books.
I love Mike from the deepest parts of my soul. I want so badly to be able to open myself up to him, but every time I try, I freeze. The words literally will not leave my mouth.
I know it's frustrating for him, because he can see it in my eyes that I'm unhappy about something, and it pains me knowing that I put him through this.
If I can't do this for me, I guess I at least owe it to him.